It's been a while. Again. I don't know how time manages to pass so quickly. Oh well, just trying to let that go. My 26th birthday is in about 30 days. School starts again in about 50 days, 7ish weeks. I can't wait to be busy again. Not have to worry about trying to fill my days with productivity, or feel guilty about doing nothing all day. It will be so nice.
But before then, I have some better habits to create. Things to work on. Daily meditation. Daily writing. More frequent workouts. Healthier eating. I feel like these things are all combined together for me. When I do one, it urges me to do another, and another, and then, before I know it, I'm making ALL THE HEALTHY CHOICES. And I feel great. I'll continue on for a few days, and then it all falls apart.
And I feel like shit.
I'll whine and complain and, even when I know what the solution is, I won't do it. I'll stay on the couch, binge watching episodes of House, and eating every 15 minutes. Why, as humans, do we do this? I know I'm not alone. Drew and I talked about it last night, because I'm so tired, so tired, of complaining and not making any lasting changes. I know that all this is driven by fear, a fear of staying the same. On the other side of the coin, there is a fierce love behind it, a love for myself, for wanting something better for me, for my partner, for my community.
Maybe that's it. We are driven by fear, instead of by love. Love is always greater than, will always beat out fear. Fear will fail. Fear will transform into other forms of fear. Love is pure, and true, and unconditional. It will stay by your side, help you up when you fall, and guide you back to your path.
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