let's be still // the head and the heart

Today was a little bit of that banging-my-head-against-a-concrete-wall feeling. I am still struggling/dealing with financial aid/paying for summer classes/ACC registration...regardless of the fact that classes started today. I am in this constant cycle of thinking I am okay, then running into another hurdle, banging my head against a wall, coming up with a (what turns out to be just temporary) solution, and then surrendering the situation to the universe. Over and over again. Just keep surrendering, that's what I need to remember.

I told some friends that I would meet up with them for a yoga session on campus this evening, but after dealing with MORE of this ACC shit, I really didn't want to do anything but sit on my couch and watch TV. But one of my Miracles Now messages came to me...the one that talks about showing up to your commitments. It's a small step, but it brings enormous amounts of blessings. Just showing up signals to the universe that you are ready and willing to change, and god, I am ready. I want health, and vitality, and peace of mind, and healthy eating habits, and positive body image. I'm ready, and needing, to change my habits, my thoughts, my practice.

And yoga was blissful. The practice of yoga itself, of course, always is. And there's something that energizes my soul when I spend time with these women. Strong, diverse, ambitious, beautiful, open, sincere, and genuine. We are a wonderful group. On my drive home, I had to just laugh at my ego. Why wouldn't I want to spend time with these lovely souls, building relationships, spending time focusing on my body, my breath, myself. A space to recenter and refocus. Why wouldn't I want to go? The reasons seem a bit hazy now.

Yet, our egos continually talk us out of things that we know we *should* do. Going to the gym. Eating healthier. Picking up the phone. Opening our hearts to share our journeys, our struggles. Our pride, our self-serving attitudes, our fears....they litter our mind with excuses, they put down our abilities, they tell us we aren't good enough. You know what's greater than our fears? LOVE.

Embrace that shit with open arms.