well, it's been a while, but here I am again, longing for a creative outlet. something consistent and reliable, and I feel motivated to put the effort into this time. these things that we build, they don't come to completion without perseverance and dedication. things take work, and patience. it's not always fun or even fulfilling, but these little things we do everyday, they have meaning, purpose. I want to start reaping the benefits, instead of day after day of "nothing", I want to see the results. the change.
oh, the changes. these past few months have been ripe with it. I've started full time as a pre-nursing student at UT Austin. I swapped my full time job for two part time ones. I've remembered what it's like to be busy, I've reinvented my study skills and my examination techniques. My body and mind have been bursting with this rejuvenation of my soul. For what feels like the first time in my life, I am working toward a very real and clear future.
I find interesting that I (unconsciously) switched to proper capitalization rules during that last paragraph.
Drew and I have had lots of conversations about our future, obviously. And I see it. I see us in it. I see the life that we are laying the foundation for, and have been for the past five (!) years. This kind of clairvoyance I have not experienced before. I always thought things would just kind of fall into place for me, and I could just float on (we'll all float on, all right). That didn't work, and I found myself in some dark, dark places with very real consequences. During that time, I started writing on a blog called "ten thousand stones", which is named after a song of the same name by an artist named Adrianne. The song speaks of the weight of ten thousand stones, the progression of them hanging deep in her heart and yet, somehow, building the best of her. I wanted to truly believe that my ten thousand stones were building something strong and stable and real.
If you would have told the me-then where me-now is today, I would've never believed it. No longer surviving. Thriving.
[post titles will now be the current album // artist i listened to while writing this post]
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