monday

While reading Spirit Junkie today, I was convicted. Things hit home. Things like forgiveness. Playing the victim. In my defenselessness my safety lies. I need to attack her in order to protect myself. But by choosing to forgive, you connect to the light within others. You see them as equals, no one more or less special, we are all one. Resentments and the darkness are released, and the light in you reflects the light in them. It is your choice to see with light. It is your choice to see with love. When we choose love, we are able to acknowledge the dark parts (of ourselves and of others), but do so without being hooked into the negativity that perpetrates the victimized persona. Another big one: the willingness to release the need to be right is a major step toward forgiveness.

Yep, that's me. It was for a long, long time. I had to be right. I had to argue until you saw my way and why I was right and I converted you. I lost so many relationships by pushing my convictions of right and wrong, judging those who did "wrong", sneering at them, looking down my big nose at them.

Until I got caught in my own "wrong-doing", fell flat on my face, and broke my big, fat (metaphorical) nose. Once, twice, three times, and many more. There it was, out there for everyone to see. And things went from black and white to a lovely shade of grey. Situations, circumstances, decisions...they're tough, man. You can never fully understand the motivations behind someone's actions.  You may not agree, and that's okay. But that doesn't mean you can't love and support them. Sometimes, during tough circumstances, that's when they need your love the most. And you leave your ego humbly at the door, and embrace them in light.

This notion of wrong and right, I left it behind not too long ago. Struggles still occur, and today's reading was a wonderful reminder of how far I've come, and how much work I still have to do. I'm enjoying this journey.