It was one of those days. One of those days when working in customer service seems impossible, like this will be the day that you will snap. I was crabby, and I knew it. People are so quick to comment on my positive attitude and general cheerfulness, but what they don't seem to comprehend is that it isn't always easy. It is a very deliberate choice to smile and make conversation, person after person, day in and day out, letting go of rudeness, not taking blatant ignoring personally, and investing myself in a job in which I want no (real) future. It's not always easy, but today it was extra hard. I was fighting for it. I wanted to turn my day around, release the crabbiness, and embrace the possibilities.
That's not what the work day held for me, and that's okay. So I went on with my day, and got to spend about 45 minutes in Spirit Junkie before my yoga class. I read about setting intentions for healing, asking for deliberate guidance, putting your desires out into the universe. The material in this book kinda covers the spectrum from "I am so far detached from that" to "wow, that totally resonates with me". This particular idea is something I'm familiar with, but do not practice on a daily basis.
I've really been struggling with my upcoming birthday. I am not where I thought I would be at age 25. And while I know that's okay, and I respect my journey and myself, it's hard to let go of the first 20 years of my life's ambitions. The process is continual. But I've been keeping this struggle fairly private, as is the norm for me.
As our yoga session was coming to a close, my instructor invited me to share something I was grateful for. My first thought was "oh god, not today". After a minute of stammering, and commenting that I was grateful for "yoga brain", I felt the urge to say something about my upcoming birthday. So I did, and it all tumbled out in a concise, rapid succession. I am struggling, I admitted. I could also feel my ego explode in shame. But I'm sure you can guess what happened next.
Yup. SHOWERED WITH LOVE.
25, I think we're going to be all right.
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